Charm of the Carolines

Congratulations vs. Best Wishes

Manners matter. No where else in the world will you find this to be more true than in the south. Manners, etiquette, deportment, couth, it's known by many names, and if you want be a southern belle or gentleman, you best start learning the finer details.

Most etiquette books will teach you how to set a table or the proper way to engrave a wedding invitation, but what many lack is the "southern way" of doing things. For example, just recently I've had several friends and business acquaintances announce their impending nuptials.  When a southern couple becomes engaged you can bet your last dollar, the bride-to-be chased her man until he caught her. But to "congratulate" her on the engagement, as if she had "won" her man is improper, if not insulting and rude. Never congratulate the bride-to-be.

We are to assume the gentleman chased her, caught her, and persuaded her to become his bride. He is to be congratulated for winning the heart of his lovely bride-to-be. And his family may be congratulated, as well.

"Best Wishes" is the proper response to the bride-to-be and to her family upon learning of the engagement.

Many folks remain true to the "Best Wishes" response for the bride even after the wedding ceremony. Where others will contend that the rule changes, and it is proper to congratulate the wedded couple. The logic behind the change is there is no longer the implication of the bride "catching" the groom as there is with the announced engagement.

Using "Congratulations" when "Best Wishes" is appropriate is not a terrible faux pas. But it is a subtle distinction that will not go unnoticed by the true southerners within earshot.

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Confederate Christmas Ball

It's been 72 years since Taps was played through Maury County and the courthouse bell tolled in mourning over the death of  Captain Merritt Booker Tomlinson, the last surviving Confederate soldier in Maury County.

Since that day in 1939, many residents of Maury and surrounding counties honor and respect this area's heritage through various ways, including  Confederate battle re-enactments, the 1861 Girls School, and various Confederate Balls throughout the year.

None is more popular than the Confederate Christmas Ball.

Last night many friends and neighbors enjoyed recreating history, dancing the night away to the music of the 52nd Regimental String Band.

 

  

If you would like to make your plans to join us next year, the Confederate Christmas Ball is generally held the first Saturday evening of December, and tickets can be purchased at the door of the Memorial Building located on West 7th Street in downtown Columbia. Dance practice is held on Sunday afternoons for a couple of weeks in November. Historical reproduction gowns and military ensembles may be rented from Tammy Hatcher, or several seamstresses and tailors in town will make a unique garment just for you.

To view some of the antebellem homes of Maury County, click here.

** A special Thank You goes out to Eric and Lisa Previti allowing me to share your beautiful photos. **

The Thank You Note

One source of southern pride is our reputation for writing prompt, thoughtful, and beautiful Thank you notes.

I heard someone once say that a bride has a year in which to write all the Thank you notes to those who gave her wedding gifts. Really? A year??? Not a southern bride! Our general rule of thumb is to respond within the week the courtesy was given.

Southern ladies wouldn't dream of taking any longer than necessary to show their gratitude in a carefully worded, hand-written note, usually on custom stationery. My dear sister-in-law recently spent a week in the hospital's ICU with a serious illness, yet two days after returning home I found in my mailbox a Thank you note expressing her appreciation for a few visits and a home cooked meal. This is while she was still on medication and recuperating at home.

While it's not necessary to purchase a customized stationery wardrobe, many southern belles do. I, myself, have several sets of note cards and matching envelopes with my name and address engraved. And thought goes into selecting a matching ink in which to write the note and a coordinating stamp.

The sentiments expressed don't have to be flowery or poetic, they just have to be sincere, and generally show recognition, appreciation, and affection. By all means, use proper grammer. And make sure your handwriting is legible. Practice if you must. And never get lazy and resort to email. Tsk!

There is no occassion when a Thank you note is not appropriate. My mother, who has been battling cancer for eight years, sends thank you notes to her church friends who send her notes of encouragement. But just to get you thinking, definitely send a thank you note for the following:

• after receiving a gift
• when invited to someone's home for an overnight visit or a meal or a party
• when given a job reference
• after the job interview
• when treated to anything special or an inordinant amount of one's time or talents
• any special courtesy or kindness that you want to acknowledge

Moreover, it is considered good manners for the recipient of the Thank you not to acknowledge the Thank you note, preferably in public. For example, right before church begins or between services and Sunday school, you may approach someone who sent you a Thank you note and say, "Ida Mae, that was the sweetest note you sent me this week. Thank you so much! Where on earth did you find that lovely stationery? I must get some for myself."

It's like the gift that keeps on giving.

                 ~Thank you~

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The Rebel Yell

This video from 1930 illustrates the Rebel Yell as cried from a reunion of Confederate Veterans.

Saluting all the men and women who bravely fought for their nation's honor and freedoms on this special day. Happy Veterans Day!

Ladies Hat Etiquette

I love hats.

Especially vintage ladies hats.

Unlike hat etiquette for men, ladies have very few rules.

Ladies hats are a fashion accessory, much like a belt or jewelry. So, unlike men who remove their hats when coming indoors, women never do.

A woman would never "doff" her hat.

If your day's plans include being outdoors, a large-brimmed hat is acceptable.

However, if your day's activities are indoors, a small hat is a better choice.

My Momma, Ms Bette, advised me that a hat is not to be worn after 5pm. She must subscribe to the Emily Post philosophy. According to Emily Post a lady is NOT to wear hats with evening wear, but has she never heard of the "cocktail hat?"  I think this rule is more of style issue, and not one based on etiquette.

Hats are mandatory for High Tea.

Many corporations have dress codes that will not permit hats in the workplace. Even Doris Day in "Lover Come Back" removed her hat once she arrived to her Park Avenue office.

The rules for women change, however, if they wear a hat that was intended to be worn by a man... baseball cap, cowboy hat, fedora.   She would be expected to remove her hat when at home, at work, at mealtimes and at restaurants or cafes, at a theater, when the national anthem is played, when the national flag passes and at religious services.

With a ladies' style hat, a woman does not remove it during the national anthem. 

However for women in the military, they must follow the exact same rules as the men for their "covers."

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